Quick Quips for December 8th

"The real violence in Hollywood isn't what's on the screen. It's what you have to do to raise the money."

- David Mamet

Quick Quips for September 23rd

"Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you'll find the real tinsel underneath."
- Oscar Levant

Quick Quips for August 21st

"I think that every religion says to love your neighbor. In Hollywood they add, "But don't get caught."

- Anita Ekberg

Quick Quips for July 13th

"Comedy always works best when it is mean-spirited."

- John Cleese

Quick Quips for July 10th

"Drama is life with the dull bits cut out."

- Alfred Hitchcock

Quick Quips for July 8th

"I hate a man who always says yes to me. When I say no I like a man who also says no."

- Samuel Goldwyn

Quick Quips for July 7th

"My only regret in the theatre is that I could never sit out front and watch me."
-John Barrymore

Quick Quips for July 2nd

"They've got great respect for the dead in Hollywood, but none for the living."

- Errol Flynn

Quick Quips for June 25th

"Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars."

- Fred Allen

Quick Quips for June 18th

"Why do I prefer prostitutes? With one of these floozies, I don't have to pretend that I'm Clark Gable."

- Clark Gable

Quick Quips for June 17th

"Does she have to pray so much?"
-A senior studio executive to Ronaldo F. Maxwell about his script for Joan of Arc

Quick Quips for June 12th

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying."

- Woody Allen

Quick Quips for June 9th

"I love Los Angeles. I love Hollywood. They're beautiful. Everybody's plastic, but I love plastic. I want to be plastic."

- Andy Warhol

Quick Quips for June 8th

"Over the past 50 years Bob Hope employed 88 joke writers...who supplied him with more than one million gags. And he still couldn't make me laugh."
-Eddie Murphy [the guy who made Meet Dave]

Quick Quips for June 4th

"I pretty much try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face."

- Johnny Depp

Quick Quips for June 2nd

"Mel Gibson in Hamlet? Now I've seen everything. Except Mel Gibson's Hamlet."

-Robert Mitchum

Quick Quips for May 29th

"Talk low, talk slow, and don't talk too f***ing much."

- John Wayne

Quick Quips for May 28th

"Hollywood parties? In the old days, if you didn't take the young lady on your right upstairs between the soup and the entree, you were considered a homosexual."

- Walter Wagner

Quick Quips for May 27th

"Why do people treat me with fun just because I am the biggest, strongest, and most beautiful man in the world?"

-Arnold Schwarzenegger

Quick Quips for May 26th

"The average Hollywood film star's ambition is to be admired by an American, courted by an Italian, married to an Englishman, and have a French boyfriend."

- Katharine Hepburn